


Orange

by jhsdhalr



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-02
Updated: 2012-11-02
Packaged: 2017-11-17 14:35:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/552629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhsdhalr/pseuds/jhsdhalr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A strange object arrives in the Hub and has an unexpected effect on Jack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Orange

**Author's Note:**

> More crack from me.

When Ianto came into work one Monday morning he found all his colleagues gathered around Jack. Jack was holding a small grey object and everyone was looking at it with interest. Ianto pushed forward and looked at it as well. It had several buttons on what was, he thought, presumably the top, since that was the side that was uppermost.

"What is it?" he asked, a last.

"It came through the Rift" said Gwen.

"It's An Alien Transponderunter" said Jack.

"How do you know that?" Ianto asked.

"It's got it written on the side" Jack explained, showing the thing to Ianto. Sure enough, there it was: An Alien Transponderunter, printed in red letters.

"What does it do then?" Ianto continued.

"Transponderunts, I guess" said Jack and laughed.

"Push a few buttons and see what happens" said Owen " I will if you wont".

Jack held the object at arms length and somewhat gingerly pressed one of the buttons. Nothing happened. Jack pressed another button. Still nothing. Jack pressed all the buttons one after the other. Nothing happened. Jack pressed the buttons in various groupings. Nothing.

"It seems to be broken" said Tosh " let me have it. I'll take it to pieces. It could be interesting."

Jack gave the object to Tosh. "Be careful" he advised her.

Ianto didn't think about the object again that day. It didn't do anything after all. It didn't buzz or light up or anything. It was probably one of the most useless things that had come through the Rift for some time. It wasn't even attractive to look at and it didn't smell. It was, in short, a thorough bore. Eventually the day drew to a close and Gwen, Tosh and Owen prepared to leave the Hub. Jack had gone downstairs to his quarters some half hour ago and Ianto decided to take him a coffee before he left. He had an exciting evening planned. Vacuum the apartment and then wash some clothes.

Ianto made the coffee just how Jack liked it and went downstairs. Jack was sitting on his bed when Ianto entered carrying the coffee. Jack had his pants down around his ankles and was looking at his cock. He wasn't jerking off or anything. He was just staring at his cock as if he'd never seen it before. Ianto put down the coffee and went over to look at Jack's cock. After all he was an expert on cocks. He had one himself.

"Does this look funny to you?" Jack asked, as Ianto sat down next to him on the bed.

Ianto looked closely. It was fairly dark in the room so he got up, switched on the main light and returned to Jack. He looked at Jack's cock. It was orange. His balls looked quite normal. "It's orange" Ianto said, helpfully.

"It's not usually orange" moaned Jack "at lunchtime it looked it's usual color. Now it's orange."

"It's a nice shade of orange" said Ianto, trying to cheer Jack up "I mean, some orange is really bright, really hideous. This is nice".

"But it's my COCK" Jack complained.

"Has it been orange before?"

"Of course it hasn't. Is yours orange?"

"No. It's er....skin colored."

"So was mine before."

"Does it still work?"

"What d'you mean?"

"What d'you think I mean? Can you get hard, erm...come...all that?"

"I don't know. When your cock turns orange you don't actually think about that."

"Try and see."

"I can't. I'm not in the mood."

"I thought you were always in the mood."

"NOT WHEN IT'S ORANGE."

"Let me" said Ianto. For some time he had fantasized about getting his hands on Jack. Now it looked as if he had his chance. He didn't care if Jack's prick was orange or not. He decided to go for it. He might never have another chance. He moved closer to Jack and took him in hand, literally. Jack didn't respond in the slightest. Ianto held on firmly and moved his hand slowly up and down on Jack's cock. Nothing happened. He spat on his palm and went to work with more determination. Finally, just when his hand was starting to go numb Jack's cock gave a slight shudder and began to stiffen.

Ianto let go of Jack's cock and he and Jack both stared at it. "Are you just going to leave it like that?" Jack said, after a moment.

"You can carry on yourself now" said Ianto" I've done the hard bit".

"I want you to do it" Jack muttered "haven't you ever heard the saying always start what you finish."

"I think you mean finish what you start."

"Isn't that what I said?" said Jack.

"What?" said Ianto.

"What?" repeated Jack.

They gazed at each other. Since there was evidently no verbal communication possible between them Ianto seized the bull by the horns, or rather, Jack's cock, and went to work on it with renewed vigor. After a moment he decided to get a really firm grip on it and bent down and took it in his mouth. It was very hot, very hard and tasted of something. He sucked and sucked trying to decide what the taste was. Jack began to really get excited and Ianto forgot about the taste for a moment. Jack was thrusting into his mouth and groaning so Ianto was intent on not being choked to death. Finally Jack gave a wordless shout and came spectacularly and so hard that Ianto couldn't swallow fast enough and felt come running out of his mouth and down his neck. It wasn't a bit romantic. Ianto then realized what the taste was because Jack's come tasted of it too. It was, not surprisingly, oranges.

"You taste of oranges, Jack" he said, licking his lips. It really did taste fantastic, he thought. In fact, it was so fantastic, he wanted more of it, right away. He stood up and started to remove his clothing.

"What the fuck are you doing Ianto?" Jack exclaimed, gazing at the younger man in amazement.

"I want to fuck you and then taste you again" said Ianto.

"I don't think so" said Jack, and he got up and started to pull up his pants very quickly over his still wet and still orange cock.

"You taste so delicious" raved Ianto, making an unsuccessful grab for Jack.

"I'm not a machine" Jack stated firmly "I just came."

"Please" Ianto pleaded "I wont fuck you then, I'll just taste you a bit".

"You wont taste me at all" said Jack "I'm going to see Owen, perhaps he can give me some cream for it, or something, it's probably a rash." He then made a speedy get away, unfortunately followed by a partially clothed Ianto, still raving about how great Jack tasted.

Naturally, Owen found the whole situation vastly amusing. He had to give Ianto a sedative to calm him down as he kept going on and on about oranges and how much he loved them. Gwen confessed that she was fond of an orange or two. Jack informed her quite seriously that she wasn't going anywhere near his orange, which puzzled her a bit. Safely away from the others Owen looked at Jack's orange.

"It doesn't look like a rash to me" he said at length "it looks perfectly natural. Are you sure it hasn't always been that color?"

Jack was exasperated. "Oh, yes" he shouted "I've always had an orange cock, I just haven't noticed until now."

Owen sighed. "Well" he said "I don't know what's caused it, unless it was you playing with that alien gadget that Tosh has been fiddling with for hours."

"I hope she's alright " said Jack.

"I spoke to her only a few moments ago and she seemed fine and she didn't complain about anything being orange either."

"She hasn't got a cock".

"Women don't as a rule".

"Ianto said.." began Jack, and then wondered whether to continue.

"Said what?" asked Owen.

Jack decided that since this was a medical matter he ought to say something. "He said my..my come tasted of oranges."

Owen laughed. "Give me some and I'll give you my professional opinion," he said.

"I'm not in the mood" said Jack.

"I don't want to touch you" Owen explained "just give me a sample".

Owen left Jack alone in order for Jack to produce the requisite sample. Jack sighed and tried to think of something that would get him in the mood. All he could think of was how much he would like to actually fuck Ianto. He sat down, pulled his pants right down again and stared at his orange cock. He didn't like it being orange. It was totally unnatural. He shut his eyes and tried to imagine that it was back to normal and that the hand rubbing it was not his own but Iantos. This helped a great deal and soon he began to get on with the program. Coming into a container was extremely difficult but he managed to get some in anyhow. It felt like a lot more than it looked. He put the lid on the container, tidied himself and went to call Owen.

Owen took the container and looked at the contents. "Didn't produce much did you?" he complained, after a moment.

"Some of it missed" Jack said crossly.

Owen removed the lid of the container and, to Jack's horror, put a finger inside, rubbed it around the bottom of the container and then sucked his finger. Almost immediately a beatific expression of near ecstasy came over his face. He demolished the contents of the container speedily and eyed Jack with a greedy expression.

"Let me have some more of this fantastic stuff" Owen shouted, advancing on Jack in a distinctly predatory manner.

Jack ran away. If there was one thing he felt totally unable to deal with it was an amorous Owen. Followed by Owen he finally ended up cowering behind Tosh's work station. Tosh found herself trapped between Jack and Owen. Owen was raving about oranges.

"What on earth is going on?" Tosh asked "first Ianto, then Owen. I haven't even seen any oranges, so where are they?"

"There aren't any" Jack said, grabbing Owen and holding him by the throat. Owen coughed and struggled futilely, still going on and on about Jack's orange and oranges in general. "It's difficult to explain" Jack continued "it's just...once they taste it they go crazy."

"Taste what?" asked Gwen. She came over and jabbed Owen with a needle. He crumpled rapidly and fell to the floor in an untidy heap.

Jack discovered he could still blush. He flushed and mumbled "me".

"You?" echoed Tosh and Gwen in unison.

"Me" Jack sighed "umn.....the essence of me...if you know what I mean. Owen made me....do it into a jar...then he..er..ate it...and it made him go crazy."

Gwen started to laugh. Tosh just looked surprised.

"It's orange" Jack continued "my...that part..er...my....er...."

"D'you mean you have an orange prick?" asked Gwen, trying without much success to stop laughing.

"It isn't funny!" Jack shouted " how would you like it?"

Gwen laughed even more at that and Tosh laughed as well. "It must have been the Transponderunter" she said.

Gwen managed to stop laughing. She looked at Tosh "Perhaps something of yours is orange too" she said " you've been fiddling with the thing for ages."

Tosh looked worried. "I'll go and look" she said, and disappeared off to the nearest bathroom.

Gwen grinned wickedly at Jack. "Show me your prick" she said "is it very orange?"

Jack scowled. "The answers to those two questions are no and yes" he said. Gwen just laughed. Jack had an overwhelming urge to give her a slap, but he didn't actually do anything. You couldn't go around slapping people for laughing, he thought, even if it was very irritating.

Tosh soon returned. She looked upset. She sat down and gave a loud groan. "Something HAS turned orange" she said after a moment.

"What?" Gwen asked, suddenly looking a great deal more sympathetic.

Tosh beckoned to Gwen. Gwen bent down and Tosh whispered something in her ear. Gwen turned pale.

"What is it?" asked Jack, filled with curiosity.

With enormous dignity Gwen said "it's her....her private parts."

Jack began to laugh.

"We have to sort this out" Tosh stated firmly, trying to ignore Jack's laughter "it's ridiculous. I've put the thing back together, so all we have to do is press the buttons like before and..."

"I don't remember how I pressed them before" interrupted Jack.

"We'll just look at the recording" said Gwen " it should be on there".

Half an hour later they were ready to try pressing the buttons on the Transponderunter. Tosh said she would do it. Jack didn't really want to risk it, but when Tosh said she'd do it he immediately said he would. As before, no matter what he did nothing happened. At least, nothing seemed to happen. The three of them were so intent on the gadget that they didn't notice something rather obvious. At last Jack sighed and put the Transponderunter down on Tosh's desk.

"Nothing's happening" Jack said, but even as he spoke he noticed that both Gwen and Tosh were staring at him with their mouths hanging open. "What?" he said, crossly.

"Jack" Gwen said slowly "I think you should look in a mirror".

Jack looked at his hands. They were a bright orange color. He went to the bathroom and looked at himself in a mirror. He was orange. His hair was orange. Even his eyes were orange. He pulled down his pants and looked at his cock. It was quite normal. His balls, however, were orange. He just stood there and screamed. He soon stopped however as the screaming made his head hurt and it was bad enough being orange, without having a headache as well.

He returned to Tosh and Gwen. "I'm orange all over now" he told them "except the bit that was orange before."

"That's interesting" said Tosh "I think I can do some work with that," and she began to put large numbers of symbols and formula into her PC. Jack and Gwen stood watching her. Neither of them had the slightest idea what she was doing but they were not about to admit that. After about ten minutes Tosh exclaimed loudly "GOT IT!" Since some kind of reaction seemed to be needed, Jack and Gwen both applauded. Unfortunately, before anything else could happen the sound of arguing reached their ears, closely followed by the owners of the voices: Ianto and Owen. They were arguing about Jack, and oranges.

"I had him first" Ianto was shouting.

"Then it should be my turn!" Owen responded.

"You don't even like him!"

"I don't have to like him, I just want to taste him!"

"Well, you can't, he's mine!"

"He isn't. He belongs to everyone. You can't keep something that good all to yourself, it's selfish. He belongs to the world."

"He doesn't. You're talking shit as usual. You always talk shit."

"I do not. I never talk about shit. Besides, you don't even like oranges."

"Yes, I do".

"I had some once and you wouldn't eat them."

"They were alien, they came through the rift!"

"They were perfectly eatable."

"After you ate them your ears kept wiggling."

They did not!"

"Yes they did, everyone noticed!"

"It didn't mean anything, I often wiggle my ears!"

"No you don't!"

"Yes, I do!"

"You don't!"

At this point Jack intervened and said sharply "shut up the pair of you, I'm orange and all you can do is argue about shit and ears." Ianto and Owen both gazed at him, and the next moment they were fighting, throwing punches at each other and pulling each others clothing. Ianto bit Owen's left ear and they fell to the ground and rolled over and over, biting and hitting each other. Jack, Gwen and Tosh stood and watched them, and it soon became obvious that the fight was turning rapidly into something else. This was confirmed when they stopped struggling altogether and just lay on the floor in each others arms. It was even more obvious when they kissed and Owen said "stop pressing your hard on into my thigh like that" and Ianto replied " only if you stop too".

Tosh was all business like in the face of all the confusion. "All I have to do is press this" she said, doing it as she spoke " and this, and everything should be back to normal."

Jack looked at his hands. They remained resolutely orange. By then Owen and Ianto had gotten even closer, if that were possible, and seemed to be trying to remove each others clothing. Jack sat down and took off his shoes and socks. Miraculously, his feet were no longer orange. As he stared at them he saw the orange color fading from his ankles. He stood up and took off his pants and sure enough, he was slowly returning to normal. Feet first. Then he suddenly became aware of a couple of facts. One: he was naked from the waist down in front of his entire team. Two: Ianto and Owen appeared to be actually having sex. At least Ianto was on top of Owen and Owen was face down on the floor and their movements were unmistakable. Jack wondered if Ianto was using a condom. He thought he probably wasn't.

"I think we should throw water over them" Tosh said, as she and Gwen stood watching Owen and Ianto fucking on the floor in front of them.

"Why?" asked Gwen "they seem to be enjoying it."

"That's what you do with dogs" said Tosh.

"They aren't dogs" Gwen informed Tosh, seriously.

Jack decided everyone was behaving really oddly. Himself included. He wasn't even worried about being half naked. I should be worried, he thought to himself. The trouble was, he decided, he was getting hard. Watching people fuck always did that to him. He thought he might as well do something useful with his cock so he approached Gwen, grabbed her roughly and kissed her thoroughly. She kissed him back enthusiastically so he pulled her shirt out of her pants and attempted to remove her bra. It wouldn't undo so Gwen pushed him off her and undid it herself. She then helpfully removed the rest of her clothing so Jack stripped too. They lay down on the floor, which was a bit cold and hard, and proceeded to kiss and nibble each other. Jack decided he liked Gwen sucking his ear lobes very much, while Gwen definitely liked Jack biting her neck.

Tosh watched all the activity and felt a bit left out. She finally pulled down her pants and underwear and gave herself a nice rub. She was very wet, it felt great, and she noticed that she was no longer at all orange. She came very speedily and then came again as Ianto and Owen reached their own very noisy climax. Shortly afterward Gwen came and then Jack. It was all very noisy and messy. Tosh went to the bathroom to clean up. This place is a madhouse, she thought as she washed.

When Tosh returned to the scene of all the activity she was not surprised to find all four of her colleagues fast asleep. She left them to it and went home. Later, much later, Ianto, Owen and Gwen went home too. They avoided talking to each other as they cleaned up and left the Hub. Jack went down to his quarters, had a long shower and went to sleep again. Which was unusual in itself.

The next morning things had more or less returned to normal. Jack destroyed the Transponderunter in front of everyone. He noticed that Gwen wouldn't look him in the eye. Tosh however actually winked at him a couple of times. Ianto seemed to be very confident and sure of himself, but Owen was quiet and subdued and insisted on standing up ALL DAY LONG. Apart from that though things were back to normal. Except, of course, for the large basket of oranges which Jack had found first thing in the morning beside Tosh's desk. He ate two right away. They were heavenly, so when the others came in to work, he handed them out. They sat eating oranges together. They looked at each other and they all smiled.

"I love my team" said Jack. He did too. All of them, and, he thought solemnly, I'll prove it soon too, I'll just have another orange first. 

 

THE END


End file.
